I’ve tried it.  Once.  Not one date, but one three-month period or whatever it is they suck you in with.  Pay a million dollars for one month or half a million per month for three.  You end up spending even more than you wanted to, and somehow feel like you got a deal.  Until you try the damn service.  Then you feel fucked.

I gave it countless emails, a few phone calls, and exactly three dates, or I mean, three strikes.  The individual plays looked something like this:

Guy #1:  We meet for coffee.  He’s a half hour late and barely apologizes.  We start talking about work.  I mention I work near the World Trade Center.  He tells me about conspiracy theories around 9/11.  He knows someone who knew a lot about those buildings.  I imagine that someone to be a janitor.  He talks faster and louder about how it wasn’t a terrorist attack, and I wonder if I might attack him.  Yes, everyone’s entitled to their opinions and theories.  Unless you’re sharing them with someone who – for all you know – might have lost someone in that tragedy.  And unless those opinions and theories are stupid.

Guy #2: We met for drinks at a bar in the neighborhood where we both live.  When leaving, he insisted he walk me home, even though it was 10 degrees, and I was already hailing a cab.  Then he insisted we stop by his apartment to get his dog so he could walk him at the same time.  I stayed in the hallway while he got the dog and leash, and watched the dog jump all over him.  They made out a little.  Then, as we walked, his dog suddenly became trained enough to walk in a circle around us, pulling us into each other with the leash.  “I guess we should kiss,” he said. “No.” “Why not?  It will be fun.” “Not for me.” I’m sure his dog was more accommodating when they got home.

Guy #3:  We met for appetizers.  Not really what I would have selected, but then, he ordered before I got there.  I didn’t order more because I wanted out of there.  He walked with me to the subway station, trying to hold my hand.  I made a mental note to only wear clothes with pockets from now on.  He then told me that while it was probably too soon, he nfelt very close to me, so “I want to be open and honest with you from the beginning.”  He then told me about how he did time for drug dealing.  I tried to sound supportive, “Well, it wasn’t like it was to children.” And then thought, fuck the subway, I need a cab.  Now.  That wasn’t what I had had in mind for someone calling himself an “entrepreneur.”